We’ve all been there, but let’s face it: divorce is not a glamorous option and it won’t magically transform your life with sunshine and rainbows.
So if you’re in this union for the long haul, pick a tip or two for divorce-proofing your marriage.
How to not get divorced in 2022 (or any year for that matter):
1. Let go of the “rules.”
You know the ones that say you need to have sex ‘X’ amounts a week and have regular date nights and leave spontaneous love notes around the house?
Yeah, you can forget about those. There are no rules for marriage and as long as you’re both satisfied, who cares if date night isn’t happening?
And as for the sex thing, quality over quantity can suffice in the season of parenting little kids, am I right? (Please say I’m right.)
2. Spend time apart.
After having our fourth child, our marriage has been a bit, well, shall we say, “challenged,” and in my husband’s words, it’s time for this mama to have some time away from everyone.
The hubs claims that he’s booking me a night away, anywhere, all alone and who am I to disagree with the wisdom in that?
3. Choose happiness over winning.
I love the story of Meagan Francis, a writer and mom of five who — get this — divorced and then re-married her husband.
She’s shared her story online, saying that one of the key lessons she learned is that sometimes, even when you’re the one who’s “right” in a fight, it really doesn’t matter if you’re unhappy.
“Deciding to be the first person to drop an argument, apologize, or give in doesn’t make you a pushover,” she writes on her blog. “It just means you’ve made a choice to focus on the things in your relationship that bring you joy rather than frustration.”
4. Get rid of the mental scorecard.
I mean, honestly, we all have it. In fact, I have a pretty long running tally in my head of all the things that I do for our marriage and our lives vs. my husband’s efforts, but when it really comes right down to it, who is it helping to keep score?
Aren’t we in this partnership together as a team? It’s time to clear that card, guys.
5. Be your own couple.
The times that I am most unhappy in our marriage also happen to be the times when I start comparing our relationship to other couples.
Becky and John work out together? Hmmpphh. Alyssa and John have the most adorable at-home date nights? Why can’t we do that? What’s wrong with us?